Skip to main content

Villain at the Table - Lets have a sing-a-long!


 

 

 

🎵 “Villain at the Table” 🎵

Verse 1
I play my lands like a loaded gun,
I’m evil for a laugh, I’m evil for fun.
In the game, I’ll make you squirm and sweat,
But outside the match, I’m your best friend yet.

Chorus
I’m a villain at the table, chaos in my hand,
Grinnin’ while I’m spinnin’ this wicked little plan.
I’m a villain at the table, don’t you understand?
It’s only cardboard cruelty — ain’t it grand?

Verse 2
I’ll steal your spell and I’ll twist the knife,
I’ll dance in your downfall like it’s nightlife.
But when the last life’s gone and the dust has cleared,
We’ll be laughin’ ‘bout the wreckage with a round of cheers.

Chorus
I’m a villain at the table, chaos in my hand,
Grinnin’ while I’m spinnin’ this wicked little plan.
I’m a villain at the table, don’t you understand?
It’s only cardboard cruelty — ain’t it grand?

Bridge
Don’t fear the devil when the deck is cold,
The fire’s all for show, it’s the stories we hold.
You’ll hate me in the moment, but you’ll love me at the end,
‘Cause being bad for fun just makes the night transcend.

Final Chorus
I’m a villain at the table, chaos in my hand,
Grinnin’ while I’m spinnin’ this wicked little plan.
I’m a villain at the table, don’t you understand?
It’s only in the game — and it feels so grand.

 ~ M 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Lab Report 059: I Hate Alchemy (and Why Nice Guys Finish Last on Arena)

  I Hate Alchemy (and Why Nice Guys Finish Last on Arena) “A wise ruler ought never to keep faith when by doing so it would be against his interests.”    Let me get this out of the way up front: I hate Alchemy. Hate it. Despise it. The digital-only nonsense, the endless “rebalancing,” the half-baked mechanics that would collapse under their own weight if they ever had to exist in cardboard form—Alchemy feels like Magic’s integrity got fed into a paper shredder just so someone in accounting could hit their quarterly bonus. Sure, the official line is that it keeps the game “fresh” and “exciting.” But let’s not kid ourselves. This isn’t about fresh gameplay—it’s about milking the cow until it keels over. And here’s the real kicker: nobody cares. Nobody at Wizards cares that Alchemy cheapens the game. Nobody on the Arena ladder cares if you’re stubbornly refusing to play the busted cards. Nobody gives you a shiny badge of honor for “staying true to real Magic.” If anythin...

Lab Report 001: The Binary Trap — Why Fun Should Be the Goal

 LAB REPORT 001: The Binary Trap — Why Fun Should Be the Goal Commander is one of the richest formats in Magic, but all too often I see players fall into what I call the binary trap . It's the idea that there's only one acceptable outcome: winning. When winning is your only goal, the game becomes black and white—either you win and have fun, or you lose and walk away disappointed. Every card, every turn, every interaction is judged by whether it contributes to a victory, and if it doesn’t, it’s seen as a waste. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a game. But when you make fun your primary objective, the whole game opens up. Suddenly, there are infinite shades of gray between winning and losing. You start to notice the little victories—the perfect topdeck, the unlikely combo that almost goes off, the chaos you unleash with a single card. You laugh more. You engage more. You remember more. Fun doesn’t have to be the opposite of winning—it can include it—but it’s far more susta...

Lab Report 24: Why Archenemy is the Perfect Format for Streaming

  Lab Report 24: Why Archenemy is the Perfect Format for Streaming by madsaxxon, Tibalt’s Apprentice So here’s a spicy take for the streamers, the guests, and the chaos gremlins alike: Archenemy might just be the perfect way to play Commander on stream. I had the chance to join a streamed Archenemy game hosted by Jake the Lithomancer . Jake’s known for combining janky brews, flavorful storytelling, and just enough chaos to keep things unpredictable. You’ll find him streaming these wild Commander sessions on Twitch and sharing game highlights and deckbuilding thoughts over at @jake_the_lithomancer . Now, let’s get the basics out of the way—Archenemy is a variant format where one player becomes “the archenemy” and takes on a team of three opponents. The twist? The archenemy starts with 40 life, draws two cards per turn, and gets a ridiculous bonus each turn from a deck of scheme cards—oversized, splashy effects that feel like a blend between cheating and plot armor. And yes, it’...