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Mathas, the Cursed Yelp Reviewer


 

 

 https://moxfield.com/decks/kTBq4CtizEeQNc-mOFLg0g

Mathas, the Cursed Yelp Reviewer

If you’ve ever wanted to play Commander like a petty ghostwriter for TripAdvisor, this deck is your jam. Mathas, Fiend Seeker doesn’t just put bounties on creatures — he basically points across the table and says, “You. Yes, you. One star.” And then the curses come rolling in, like passive-aggressive online comments that happen to also drain life, ruin plans, and generally make everyone rethink inviting you next week.

Meet Your Host, Mathas

Mathas is less a fighter and more an instigator. He’s the shady referee of the Commander table. He doesn’t swing big creatures or fire off flashy combos. Instead, he slips bounties onto other people’s creatures and whispers, “Wouldn’t it be a shame if someone… dealt with that?”

Think of him as the friend who instigates a bar fight and then buys popcorn to watch it unfold. That’s Mathas — a political troublemaker who thrives when everyone else is too busy punching each other.

The Curse Buffet

This deck is basically a buffet of curses, and every opponent gets a plate. Some highlights from the menu:

  • Curse of Opulence – Free samples at Costco, but with knives. Everyone’s stabbing each other for gold.

  • Curse of Misfortunes – Because one curse wasn’t enough, was it? No, you need the sampler platter.

  • Curse of Vitality – The one nice curse. Like getting a free breadstick with your bad Yelp review.

  • Overwhelming Splendor – The chef’s special: strip a player of all their seasoning and serve them as a sad vanilla 1/1.

And let’s not forget Captive Audience. That’s not a curse, it’s a full-on hostage situation. Hand it to an opponent and watch their board state collapse like a flan in a cupboard.

Death by a Thousand Cuts (a.k.a. Enchantments)

While the curses keep everyone miserable, your pillow-fort enchantments make sure you stay cozy. Cards like Ghostly Prison, Sphere of Safety, Revenge of Ravens, and Marchesa’s Decree all say the same thing: “You could attack me… but are you sure you can afford the cover charge?”

Opponents will spend more mana trying to swing at you than you spent building this whole deck. Meanwhile, you’re just sitting there sipping tea and watching the slow bleed.

Politics, Chaos, and Salt

This deck doesn’t win fast — it wins by turning the table into a chaotic soap opera. Mathas bounties point fingers, curses sow resentment, and your enchantments keep you off the hit list (at least until the salt builds up).

You’re less of a Commander player and more of a Dungeon Master running a bad social experiment. Deals will be made, grudges will form, and at some point someone will swear vengeance. That’s how you know it’s working.

Closing Thoughts

At the end of the day, this Mathas deck isn’t here to blow out the table with infinite combos or alpha strikes. It’s here to make sure nobody else gets to have a smooth game either. You’ll spread misery, cause arguments, and probably get called a villain — but hey, at least you’ll have the best Yelp reviews of the night.

And really, isn’t that worth a five-star rating?

 

~M 

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