I Hate Alchemy (and Why Nice Guys Finish Last on Arena) “A wise ruler ought never to keep faith when by doing so it would be against his interests.” Let me get this out of the way up front: I hate Alchemy. Hate it. Despise it. The digital-only nonsense, the endless “rebalancing,” the half-baked mechanics that would collapse under their own weight if they ever had to exist in cardboard form—Alchemy feels like Magic’s integrity got fed into a paper shredder just so someone in accounting could hit their quarterly bonus. Sure, the official line is that it keeps the game “fresh” and “exciting.” But let’s not kid ourselves. This isn’t about fresh gameplay—it’s about milking the cow until it keels over. And here’s the real kicker: nobody cares. Nobody at Wizards cares that Alchemy cheapens the game. Nobody on the Arena ladder cares if you’re stubbornly refusing to play the busted cards. Nobody gives you a shiny badge of honor for “staying true to real Magic.” If anythin...


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