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Lab Report 016: Selling My Soul to the Burn Gods (Again)

 


By MaD SaXXon – Tibalt’s Apprentice

There comes a time in every Planeswalker’s life when the chaos of experimental decks, janky combos, and spicy brews gets traded in for... efficiency. Not passion. Not style. Just sheer, unrelenting speed.

I’m talking, of course, about Mono-Red Aggro.

The reliable Honda Civic of Magic: the Gathering Arena.

And yes, I’m playing it. Willingly. Why?

Because I want to hit Mythic, and this deck gets the job done.

 

🔥 Here’s the decklist:

4 Monastery Swiftspear  

4 Kumano Faces Kakkazan  

4 Phoenix Chick  

4 Play with Fire  

4 Lightning Strike  

4 Searing Barb  

4 Feldon, Ronom Excavator  

4 Bloodthirsty Adversary  

4 Skewer the Critics  

4 Kumano's Outrage  

2 Mishra's Foundry  

20 Mountain

 

Why it Works (a.k.a. Why I'm Playing the Same Spell Five Times a Game):

  • Turn 1 Swiftspear into Turn 2 Burn + Burn is the gold standard.
  • You don’t ask questions. You just attack.
  • The opponent tries to stabilize? You burn their face.
  • The board gets clogged? You burn their face anyway.
  • The game drags to turn 5? Something has gone wrong. Reboot.

Does it hurt my soul?

Oh, absolutely.

But in the time it takes someone to resolve a third copy of The One Ring, I’ve already played and won (or lost) three matches and earned my daily wins. That’s the beauty of the mono-red grind—it doesn’t pretend to be art. It’s a blunt instrument. And it works.

Mythic Dreams, Burnt Offerings

I’ll admit it—there’s something fun about it, too.

Hearing the little phoenix chirp as it comes back, dropping Kumano turn one, and watching opponents mull over whether they should spend their precious two mana on a 1-drop when you’ve got a Lightning Strike locked and loaded... it’s a little slice of chaotic joy.

Want to see it in action?

I’ll be posting Arena gameplay, tips, and possibly a burnout-fueled rant about mono-red on Instagram and YouTube this week. You can find all the links and nonsense at

🌐 darkritual.site

Come roast marshmallows on the corpses of my opponents.

~ MaD SaXXon

Your devilish guide to cardboard chaos.

Tibalt’s Apprentice


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